Courtesy of Above the Law, this is a quote from a real motion filed in the southern district of Florida. It’s actually about a breach of contract over a boat:
“Unfortunately, these procedures, which were designed to decrease her weight and trim, and thereby enhance her performance, failed miserably. She got hot and wet, but too wet. (para. 97, 110, Ex. D to second amended complaint). Just as disturbing, what had at one time been a pleasing, cosmetically acceptable body, had now been transformed into a ghastly and unpleasing specimen.
“Alas, once a sea cow, always a sea cow.”
The whole motion goes on like this. It is so not funny I can’t really believe it happened. Just as disturbing,are the comments on Above the Law about the motion which range from cyber-guffaws to hopes that the lawyer will get a judge who is a “dykey feminazi judge in army boots.”
And I’m not impressed with Above the Law’s response.” [Miami Attorney Jack] Kallen gets a thumbs up from ATL for the entertainment value of his maiden voyage into quasi-pornographic pleadings. But we doubt this seaman talk will sail with the judge.” Really?
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